a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
