Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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