She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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