the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
