you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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