apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
