It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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