Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
