Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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