Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
