When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
