Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
