Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
