We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
