I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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