No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You've changed since you got that strap on
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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