They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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