My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
