Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
