Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
