yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
