he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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