so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
