i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
