So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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