Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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