I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
