I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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