Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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