she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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