That's intense
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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