Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
