she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
