i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
