Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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