had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
