as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
