I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What a dumb baby whore.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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