I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
