One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
