I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
