oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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