I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
