he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
FUCK WHALES
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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