Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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