how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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