so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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