I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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