question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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