Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
