People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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