Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
