So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
