I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's Friday. Sex?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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