i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize