so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
