Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
