so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
